i guess its another case of the mahana you ugly syndrome.......

i guess its another case of the mahana you ugly syndrome.......it makes me happy when my friends get engaged... but at the same time I'm sad I'm still here.... 25 years old and i guess I'm not learning or picking up what HF wants me to.... i know i haven't exactly lived up to my potential... but i want to so bad.... i want things to change... to be different... i want to love my life like other people get to.... the moments i experience the taste of that are rare... but i do wish so badly that they were more often... i grown up my life never quite feeling good enough.... always wondering why other people got the things i wanted... why man never really cared for me... i guess i did get a chance once with a really good guy but i took it for granted.... and maybe I'm still doing it... maybe I'm still taking the good things for granted...i always wonder how things would have turned out had i just seen this kid for what he was.... i think that's why i like the story of persuasion so much... cause they had their chance... she blew it but they still ended up together... although in this case I'm sure its not how the story will turn out... most of the time I'm OK with being single.... i have great guy friends and some female too.... but sometimes in the quiet confines of my home the loneliness hits me... and i also realize the clock is ticking... 30 is around the corner and there's nothing i can do about it.... man i hope i don't end up alone.... even if i do have issues with commitment and pushing people away.... life's full of unreliable people.... one just has to get over it... and lets be real here i just feel gross....