6 months is nothing compared to eternity...

Today I went to meet with Bishop and we decided that I needed 6 more months to prepare... The thing is a want to be really ready for the Temple... There's things I still want to learn and understand... and a few other things I need to figure out... to be honest I was kinda sad... I even cried some... I really wanted to be endowed already... but I think I was rushing it for the wrong reasons... by no means am I down grading the importance of the temple... and I know it changes lives... but I was hoping that it would get the ball rolling in certain aspects of my life... I want to be really really ready though... I don't want to be taking it for granted... I know people that have gone through the motions and ended up not sticking with it... I want my faith in God to be sincere... bless my dear friend melody for being there with me to hold my hand... I was just a little embarrassed to tell people that I had decided to give myself more time...I think what i was most afraid of was telling my mom... But She Took it Better than i thought she might...I just haven't come to the understanding that The Lord Makes The impossible, Possible... I want to have true full hearted faith in Christ and Heavenly Father and his plan... I want to know for myself... I want to be good to go on every level... and I think that for that very reason I need more time... I need to figure this out... and though it makes me sad to have to wait I'm looking forward to this journey... to strengthen this heavenly bond... to learn to accept this father's love... I feel like my whole life I've been left here and there by this and that person... people that I truly cared about... I've Felt so hurt that I think I made myself become numb in hopes of protecting myself... it didn't really fix the problem... it just made it harder to get rid of the soul gunk... and degunking one's soul is easier when you're honest with your self... so thats what I'm working on... a want a gunk free life...