trying to make it better...

I found a song that describes kinda what I'm going through... this phrase sums it up.."Such pain as this Shouldn't have to be experienced I'm still reeling from the loss Still a little bit delirious, yeah Near to you, I am healin' But it is takin' so long..." I'm trying to get my life in order to go through the temple but its hard some days... i know part of this weight gain has to do with some of the emotional/ psychological crap I've insisted on holding on to for years... there are a few "key" people in my life that mean well with their "constructive criticism" but its done nothing but made things worse... I'm my own worse critic but to have outsiders chime in only makes me feel smaller... i dream of the day when this all leaves me... I've been promised a happy and beautiful life... but some days are hard than others to see that... skinny doesnt seem like the answer... but smaller than this definitely does... there's a girl i know and shes pretty fit and not entirely bad looking but her personality isnt that great and so she constantly finds herself alone... i think ive become kind of hermit because i dont want to morph into that but at the same time the bitterness creeps in a little bit more everyday... 25, fat, living at home, and alone...