guh....

I hate on the mornings when I wake up... not necessarily in a bad mood but more in a sad/frustrated mood... feelings a little tender from the dreams of the nights sleep... its sucks to be ignored...I've felt ignored most my life.... whenever I do things as a group I always feel the least significant... I always have and I think I always pin it back to the same event... sure its about time for forgiving and forgetting... but its hard... something like that kinda leaves a scar.... I try not to consciously think about it but the fact is that I tend to secretly hold on to people that really mean a lot to me... but simultaneously I expect them to leave and it leaves me quite sad... all my life people have left me... and although I try to convince myself its for the best, it still stings a little... things always have turned out... but I want to feel like I matter... I want to embrace it... its not enough just to matter to my female friends... I want to matter to a man... for him to hang on my every word and want to protect me... I don't think its too much to ask... I really hope I'm not alone forever... or rather I know I wont be... I just want these insecurities to go away...